Me: Ok, how about this. If you take a picture petting a wild manatee, I will show you the picture of that time my father made me be the Virgin Mary in our church’s Christmas pageant when I was 12.
S: I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere near any manatees.
Me: Are you just trying to cover up a traumatic manatee experience that you had as a child?
S: I’ve never seen one in person.
Me: Were you leaning over a riverbank to kiss a manatee, except that you fell in, and the manatees thought that you were their lost calf? Except that you were obviously way too thin for that, so the manatees tried to fatten you up with kelp? So you were in the river, swimming and crying for help, when BAM! the head manatee comes up and starts to lick you, because it thought you were keening “I love you, Momma Manatee!”. This must be why you don’t like to swim!
S: I hate you.
